To Whom It Meant A Little, To Whom It Meant Everything

As time goes by, everything slowly fade, not away but into silence like how it always used to be
At times no longer debating, no matter what you say what you think, is concern of none
Help do not exist when the only one who can save you is only yourself or a miracle
When everything is lost, how do you save yourself?
You pick yourself up and look forward? Who doesn't know?
Why do we call sorrows as burden?
Because it weights you down right deep inside you
It's not like fuking TVB where characters could wake up one day, forgetting every yesterdays
Choices are you try survive on what you could find,
Grow stubborn, far more than before, so you could stand and move on
What 'everything' meant, is not simple

Restless

Tired
Sleepy
Internet problem still occurring since 4 days ago
Warm but quiet weather
Forgotten the touch of happiness and peace
Gave it all lost it all
For unknown reasons and cause
Go to bed

...

Everything seems abnormal
Things that are happening doesn't feel familiar like it used to be
Every time looking out of the window finding nothing
Every time kept looking and trying to find, but nothing at all
Even the weather had been acting strange
Troubles getting to sleep...heavy rain waking me up during late nights...looking through window...nothing...just feeling tired and having headaches...
Had i been thinking too much or things really turned this way?
Gave everything but things turned out this way...great...
What mistake did i made so seriously that at a sudden everything became these
It's not the first time and i did kept trying my best, even more everytime.
Does it really have to come to this?
Am i not sincered enough?
Not honest enough?
Not passionate enough?
Thought i had given everything that i had

Nothing's Gonna Change

Have you wondered
And tried finding out

The promises that i made
To give you faith and trust, no matter at what cost
To hold you up when you're down, when you needed someone to trust

Why some of the things that i said
Doesn't sound sweet?
Sounded so harsh?
Why did i mention even i knew i would feel pain myself?

Why some of the things that i did
Doesn't seemed to be necessary?
Felt so mean?
Why did i take all the troubles to do even i know i will be hated?

...

Everlasting Innocence

How much stubborn i could get
How much stubborn do i need to be?
No matter how much
It is still far incomparable to this stubborn heart
Confused what to believe
Never knew which is the truth
The touch of happiness and meaning of peace forgotten
Becoming distant memories
Only remembered that it happened
Never even know why
Stubborn is only way to deny but the everlasting pain could always remind no matter how far
The cost of incomparable love is too much to bear when it's not being realized, even just a little
All along i had been very clear that i could not afford to lose any much more
But i still do gave 100% with all of my heart
I had been telling you that this is no ordinary love
We started this together
But you ended it all by yourself without even trying to understand or listen
Not once... but twice...
If one day i disappeared forever
Only a little part of the universe in my heart would remain
And those are the contents i am writing here everyday when things are getting heavier

Broken

When being questioned
Confusing last week's yesterday with the day before today
For several weeks it had been this way
But looking at the calender, its only been two weeks
Is time flying or had it stopped?
When is yesterday?
What happened yesterday?
Where did all the yesterdays vanished to?

Maybe or Because I'm Stupid

Knew that could not afford to lose anymore but still
Gave everything and lost everything
Never at least could imagined
Everything isn't the same anymore
There's nothing how could there be anything
Sleep is a journey to dreams that revoke nightmares
Awakening is finding myself in hell
Silence used to be peace, but it's heavy now
Time that i need to prove and show...
Every ticking second drowning a little deeper
Chances i need to prove and show...
Leaving me suffocating unable to breath
Dead but had to be stubborn to cling on to life

The memories
The things we did
I locked inside my heart
Where i know i won't forget

The Insignificant 10 Promises

Since the very first day
These promises were made for only you

1. I would never lie to you
2. I would never break any promises
3. I would never let u down or leave you alone when you needed me
4. I would never do anything sorry or betray you
5. I would never keep any grudges against you
6. I will give you the best in life
7. I will be loyal to you and only till the end of time
8. I will protect you even if costs my life because i cared for you so much
9. I will always be at your side no matter what happens
10. My promises to you would never end

Which as above did i not kept at all times?
Kept with all i could give and all of my very heart

Maybe you couldn't see it
Maybe you don't believe it
Maybe you never even cared about it

So Far Away

How could it became as such
Everything seem so unclear
Maybe truth is fading away
Along with consciousness and soul
As how it used to be, but time after time it just rip things further and further apart
The gap that could be mended with little effort
Slowly becoming a cliff ...silence...

Nothing without you

Where everything's nothing without you
These words are my heart and soul
As i bleed my heart out to show
Thoughts read unspoken forever and now
The pieces of memories fall to the ground
All the streets where I walked alone
With nowhere to go have come to an end
I want you to know

7 years

Out of so many but why you?
The most trusted, the closest, the not even imagined of
How could it be you?
You already knew the rules of the game
You're playing with one who had lost too much and could not afford to lose anymore
You're playing with one who would give everything into it
One sudden sorry and it's game over?
You wanted to play and you never thought of anything before quitting all at a sudden
Once the game started there's no turning back
It's the beginning of everything

Unconsciously Denying

Lost track of time
Waking up in the middle of night
Found yourself in nowhere
Unable to continue sleeping as
You're trying
To find and recall but
Nothing's in your mind as you're
Somehow constantly reminded
Not to search any deeper

Heavy but ... silence ...

Random sudden burst of silence
An inner voice telling do not get any deeper
Empty streets, dim city lights, no signs of rain, no signs of stars

Where ... silence ...
Who ... silence ...
When ... silence ...
How ... silence ...

Dare to care?

Care to some, means everything
Care to some, means nothing
Some don't even know what care is, when there's too much of it all along

Sometimes care...
Touches one's heart

Makes you feel warmth
Makes you trust
Gives you courage
Hold you up when u're down
Relieves the burden in your heart...
...no matter how heavy it had been

When care betrays...
It turns your world around
It disappoints
It deceive your trust
It makes you afraid
It tear things apart

Your heart
Your mind
Your soul

100% Trust

Is it something commonly said by one just to comfort another?
or is it something usually said for one's own benefit?

Yesterday is true but today is not
Why is that?
The reason, the cause?
Not known

Maybe yesterday's deceiving, today's the truth
Who is the fool? Who is the lucky one?
Not interested to know as never meant to compete for anything
It's not a matter of losing or winning
Did the best, but not realized, treated as the worst by the closest one, still believe because of wanting too much to heal, or maybe too afraid to lose anymore

Balance

Everything is bound to the universe's law of balance
Everything that lives, dies
Everything that comes around, goes around, but

Time flies during happy times
Time drags during the worst times
Causing people to forget happy moments easily no matter how happy it used to be
The bad times always seemed to happen so much more that it clings to your unconscious heart

Is this the balance?
Life is deceiving
Appreciate things you have or the fool would be you, the cause would be yourself to blame
Moving fast doesn't mean you're leading if you never stop to think about your position and your direction